The "Niche of Neglect"

I found a friend awhile back through sort of an International PenPal organization and we shot a few emails back and forth and I hadn't heard from him in awhile. We all get busy with our lives and I too hadn't wrote him but he sent me an email that resulted in this article. Here is his email to me and my response.

Mike,

Hey - sorry I havent been in touch for a while - I got heart disease - and have had all sorts of tests - I am now waiting for a by pass operation - nit bad for a fit and healthy 44 years old - We had no idea - until I decided to have a CT scan done - and we found a lot of stuff!!

Anyway =- hope all is well with you M

Richard,

This is a longer message than what I thought I was going to send when I started it but evidently your news brought up some issues I still had issues with so please bear-with.

Sorry to hear that, I have 3 stories on that 1 is heart-breaking(for me), 1 is a Sign(here's your sign pointed towards Mike) and 1 is very encouraging.

Will get the "Here's Your Sign" out of the way first... my biological father died at 46 from massive heart attack(I'll be 48 next month) I should be working out everyday. I am an easy 70 pounds overweight(260 Lbs/ 6 foot tall). I say biological because I only have 2 'visions' of recollecting him(he died when I was 4.

The heart-break was when my step-dad died, he was 56 and had been married to my mom for 27 years(since I was 10) I have a bunch of regret of not spending more time with him when he was getting weaker and weaker.

The "Encoragement" is from a friend and fellow construction buddy of my step-dad's, my step-dad and he had heart bypasses just a month a part. My step-dad had a double-triple(6) bypass and his friend Dean had a quadruple(4). Well I saw Dean a few months ago still going strong. My step dad was 50 when he had his bypass and Dean was 52 if memory serves me.

My step-dad always had a problem with following Doctor's orders, he had a gastric bypass when he was 29 but never changed his eating habits so he was sick(puking from over-eating) almost everyday till he died. My dad would sneak "no-no foods" and he ended up on dialysis for the last 6 years of his life. I really believe if he could have controlled his eating we would still be 'putting up with him controlling everyone and everything' still(he was a control-freak). Very successful though.

The stress of caring for him took it's toll on my mom but she had a big strike against her because she smoked, died from emphysema 6 years ago at the age of 71. She was 9 years older than my stepdad but they were like two peas in a pod.

Some of the following may not apply to you so catch what does and forgive me for what doesn't.

Now for you, if you smoke QUIT. GOD delivered me from a 4-pack a day habit 10 years ago come this October.

You and I need to start exercising(maybe you already were exercising), I know I have spent too much time this summer in front of the PC not getting a darned thing done except gain an extra 10-12 poiunds.

We both need to start eating much better, I can imagine you already have been given a List by your doctor of the "do's and don't" maybe you can share it with me. Vegetables are a hassle around my house but very much needed. My wife is an easy 130 pounds overweight, she needs your prayers as I do. You already have my prayer with you.

Enough of that, do you have Skype? I have the free version for instant messaging, etc. I got it because a friend wanted to send me some big files, too big for an email attachement. My skype addy is ( mike.feddersen ) without the parenthesis.

When we first started emailing each other you mentioned "I dont know where you and I got the beleif that we werent as good as others - but its time we both stopped thinking it!!!"
Well you are absolutely right on that and when my mom died it occured to me that "nobody that I had looked up to or had allowed 'power over me' had ever offered any sort of Help and that I was no longer going to give anyone control... Well here I am 6 years later still "waiting", I don't know what I am waiting for so maybe you and I can form a pact to start Doing what we (shoulda, coulda, woulda) done in the past but for whatever reason we stopped? I don't see myself with any grand plans yet but that is also one of the things that has held me back, "No Plans". (I read recently and have known this since my mother told it to me as a teenager, "If you fail to plan, you Plan to Fail.) She said it as, "Plan your work. And Work your plan."

You know Richard this has become a bit of an article without me realizing it, I hope you don't mind I am going to put it up at a little blog I have that doesn't get a whole lot of traffic... http://nichehow.blogspot.com

Thanks for writing to me Richard, I really am Praying for your Recovery and a long life.

Your friend,

Mike